These are my (Twilight) confessions…

28 01 2010

I have a confession. I’ve converted. That’s right, I am now a member of Team Jake. Don’t get me wrong – of course I still love Edward too, but I’ve realized that I would have chosen Jacob. Before you burn me at the stake, let me explain how I got here.

The first few times I read Twilight through Eclipse (prior to the release of Breaking Dawn), I didn’t like Jacob at all. He annoyed the hell out of me. I thought he was a brat and whenever he was around, I was waiting for Edward to come back. I did not understand Jake’s character at all. Then, along came Breaking Dawn. I got to Part 2 around 2 am and fliiiiipped out. “What the hell are you thinking, Stephenie Meyer?! Why would we want to be inside the dog’s head?!” The combination of anxiety for Bella’s situation and the sleep deprivation was making me a little violent. But I soldiered on. And it turned out, Jake was kind of hilarious. In the midst of all the stress that was Breaking Dawn, Jake had this wonderfully snarky head. To be honest, his internal monologue sounds a lot like my own. I love snarkiness. Plus, I finally began to understand Jake a little bit. And to respect him for what he was willing to do to protect the girl he loved, despite the circumstances. No, I didn’t fall in love with him right then, but I stopped hating him.

Then I re-read the whole series with new eyes & I even started liking Jake a little, but mostly in a friendly sort of way. But after taking a little Twilight break & then coming back, I realized things had changed. Sure, Twilight was still basically the same, but in New Moon I didn’t miss Edward nearly so much. I liked reading about Jacob. He was funny and warm, grumpy at times, but hey, he’s human (kind of). He’s both gentle and rough, wild and soft, passionate and surly, immature and wise beyond his years. He’s just such a vivid and vivacious person. I actually think the darkness he gained from becoming a werewolf helped him. Before he was too naive and immature and innocent, but he gained a lot of complexity from his transformation. In Eclipse, he gets a lot of that happy-go-luckiness back (I’m thinking of his big wolfy grin & licking Bella across the face when they’re learning to fight the newborns) but he’s no longer a child.

Yes, Edward’s the perfect man. But perfection can be a little boring after a while (trust me, I’ve had boyfriends who always gave me my way & I eventually started picking fights just for a change of pace). Jake is always a little tempestuous & doesn’t give in to Bella’s every demand, and I like him the better for it. By the end of Eclipse & throughout Breaking Dawn, Edward’s just plain whipped and it’s kinda dull. I love Jake for being a little rougher, less suave & composed, more feisty and fun. He helps Bella live life on the (somewhat) wild side without forever fretting over her hurting herself. He’s not afraid of risks, but he’s still there to protect her when she needs him. Their relationship is more equal. Plus, he doesn’t have to be nearly so careful and controlled as Edward. Edward’s always got himself tightly under control, but Jake gets carried away with himself sometimes. He’s an adventure. He’s impulsive. He’s warm. And you wouldn’t have to change to be with him. Wouldn’t have to give up your family and friends and make him your whole world. Life would be balanced. You could grow old together and have a family without dying in the process of giving birth. There would be a lot less pain & a lot less sacrifice. You wouldn’t be forever thirsty. You wouldn’t have to watch everyone you know die while you continue to exist outside of the hustle & bustle of the course of human history. Mortal life isn’t as terrible as it’s made out to be.

I didn’t intend to fall in love with Jacob or defect to the other team, but after it happened and I gave it some thought, I realized that life with him is the one I would want. He’s who I’d choose. And that’s how I ended up on Team Jake.

Alright, let the stoning begin.

MyNevs

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